So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
