You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
