I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The power of my boobs compel you
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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