so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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