I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Your penis caused this!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
