i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When are your genitals available?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
