I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
