I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
