literally had 100 drinks last night.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
