i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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