the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
