whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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