I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
