1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
is wine microwaveable?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
