as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
