i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize