I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
