I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
