it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
