i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
