we're blogging at a bar
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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