I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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