Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There's even glitter on my cock...
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