My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i was born a porn star she said
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
