last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
