A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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