just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
