so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize