Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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