I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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