you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
