Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
