In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
