just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
