So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
