Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize