it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
