she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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