are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
