They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
