Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
