The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize