By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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