You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have fence marks all over my body
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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