i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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