I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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