If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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