he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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