I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
