I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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