CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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