The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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