There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize