Don't make out with my wife yet
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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