just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize