I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Randomize
