too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
