Betty ford says i'm here all night
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
