I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
