alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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