we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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