my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize