ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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