I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
