Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
