Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
