There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She needs sedatives and a leash
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
