hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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